Learning how to be still...

Here I am sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops in Manhattan, KS and blogging about my "woes." "Woe is me! Woe is me!" It seems like much of my time is spent obsessing about things that really don't matter. For the past year, I've had the same thought in my mind about the same boy, with the same issues. Is he interested in me? What does he mean when he says that? Is he flirting with me? Why does he still say flirtatious things when he's moved away? It's absolutely frustrating, and it's been happening for the past year. I've been praying, and praying, and praying for these thoughts to just once and for all subside. No matter what I do, they never leave. It's almost to the point where I've just said "Ok, Lord, I give up. If you're not going to answer this, I won't pray." It really feels like "what's the point?" I really love the part of scripture in Exodus that says "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." It's funny that the name of this blog is Be Still, but I really don't know if I truly know what it means to be still. Hypocritical, yes? The Lord also says "Be still and know that I am God." How does one be still? In this time and day, we have a hard time not checking our cell phones every five minutes, or Facebook or Twitter. We tell our friends we can't hang out because "We don't have time," or "I've got too much to do," or the classic "I'm busy." I have to say I am so guilty of saying these things. I also have to admit that, yes, I really am addicted to Facebook. I check it quite often. Too often. I check it often to see if he has signed on or even just commented on something of mine. Truly and honestly, I feel pitiful and pathetic. Why am I living my life for this boy and what he won't do, when I should be living for the Lord and everything that He will do? I've had many a chat with my friends about all the ins and outs of this boy and why he does what he does. Many of it turns out "Kait, he would let you know if he wanted to see you. He would let it be known that you're his friend and he actually wants to see you. If he wanted to call you, he would." It's so hard to hear these words, but it's so true. If he wanted to make a move, he would. Simple as that. Due to my inability to not think of him in a romantic way, it's hard for me to think of his actions as simply and wholeheartedly platonic. His actions say friend, and I want them to be more. They aren't. Done. That's it. Why then, do they still plague me. The thoughts, the constant checking my news feed? Why hasn't God just answered my prayers? I can't answer that question, but I do know I can answer my own. The reason I cannot get over these thoughts is because I haven't been still and let God take care of it. By my mere anxiety over it, of course I always think about it. We're not suppose to worry, that's what God is for. By me constantly taking on that anxiety, I can never be still, and this is exactly what God has asked me to do...just. be.still. I'm still learning, and I have a long long way to go. Learning is an ongoing process, so I've got a ways to go. I hope I can take my own advice from naming this blog and learn to let go. let God. Be still.